dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
