I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
