I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
