So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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