I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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