I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize