she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
