fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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