Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Floor bacon is actually really good
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