I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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