with your own penis?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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