you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
They took my balls.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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