i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
