i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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