Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
