Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
