I can tuck mytits in my pants
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
