I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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