The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
