I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize