HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
