After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
