I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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