i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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