Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
