My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
