Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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