I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
