Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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