So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
