True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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