so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
