So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
