we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
