Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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