i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize