Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
