listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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