my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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