I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
