remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
