I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
