I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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