I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
