how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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