During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
