I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
