I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
