Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
