There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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