Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
