"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What did we do last night that was yellow?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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