3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
