Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
whose parrot is this?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
