even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize