I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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