I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
