I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Will exercising make me less horny?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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