I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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