no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
