Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
