Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
