also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
