how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
