You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
