Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
