I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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