and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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