I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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