I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
