I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
