and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
