he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
